You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
