My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
