no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
