the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
