Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize