and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
