Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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