I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I cut my penus on the lid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
