just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
