I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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