You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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