i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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