If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize