I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
