I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
