is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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