we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
