so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
