apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize