Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize