I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
