Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
