just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
