you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
