On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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