you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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