Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
