Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize