dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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