Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
