You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
