My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
