Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
