Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
