She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
