if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
