Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
