Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
