I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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