Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
