I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
