Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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