I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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