the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
