Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
