i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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