aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
