I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
