I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
