I am puke
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
