I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
