worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
