I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
