hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize