Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
