it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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