you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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