I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
