He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
