so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
