one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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