It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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