I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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