Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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