Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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