I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
