found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
