I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.