Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.

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  (509): am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast. http://tfl.nu/srmx
  Replies (15) Good night (950) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu

  (773): View more from Illinois

  which is why it's clearly superior

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  (773): the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu (773): which is why it's clearly superior http://tfl.nu/iahv
  Replies (26) Good night (2779) Bad night (478)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.

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  (815): His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper. http://tfl.nu/rdz6
  Replies (35) Good night (1824) Bad night (2684) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Lol welcome to greek life

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  (727): if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now. (1-727): Lol welcome to greek life http://tfl.nu/i7uo
  Replies (43) Good night (768) Bad night (4083)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.

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  (817): It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it. http://tfl.nu/48x8
  Replies (37) Good night (3536) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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  (763): My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries. http://tfl.nu/9ep5
  Replies (8) Good night (4670) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

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  (309): ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet. http://tfl.nu/oxv5
  Replies (12) Good night (5725) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  He was spoon feeding me wine all night.

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  (819): He was spoon feeding me wine all night. http://tfl.nu/fggg
  Replies (4) Good night (3050) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time

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  (315): I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time http://tfl.nu/omxi
  Replies (4) Good night (1123) Bad night (2066) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

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  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (50) Good night (9220) Bad night (2832) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.

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  (717): He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes. http://tfl.nu/uq08
  Replies (12) Good night (1340) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2

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  (336): He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2 http://tfl.nu/rjqf
  Replies (5) Good night (1950) Bad night (434)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.

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  (678): He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story. http://tfl.nu/lvz4
  Replies (4) Good night (1108) Bad night (439)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape

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  (250): im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape http://tfl.nu/bk86
  Replies (1) Good night (665) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually

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  (408): This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually http://tfl.nu/dqmb
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt

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