Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.