Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won