I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.